dissociative identity disorder

i am soon leaving my workroom and going home for the weekend.

i am very sorry to know that you will be working the next two days instead of resting as you wanted to. i am sure you will be thinking of sweet things to keep your mind and your soul fresh, even while working hard and almost endlessly, because you have the strength and the will in your heart to live intensely. through the dull, boring things we have to stand in this life of ours we shall pass and know, deep in ourselves, the treasure we hide.

like little miracles.

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unique story:

six years ago i met, completely by luck, one of the most interesting persons i was to meet in my whole life — that said by excluding the possibility of him being the most interesting person ever. this took place in france, a place where i just have been once, beneath the mess that paris was in “la fête de la musique”, 21st of june. because paris was absolutely crowded, all underground was closed, buses stopped passing, and there were no cabs circulating. i wasn’t able to go home, and was about to sleep that night on the streets. i didn’t, because this crazy guy saved me and my friends, by letting us sleep on his sister’s house, where he and a friend would spend the night.

yes, the story is nice, i know. but it wasn’t just that what made him so special. he was bright. he loved talking about everything, and he did so with such a will that i was amazed. he was joyful, and yet he wasn’t an ordinary optimistic. he was playful, and yet he wasn’t a common joker. he was sweet, and yet he believed that everything he did was nothing special. he walked on the streets of versailles dancing the “pulp fiction” dance and yelling he was immortal. he thought it was an absurd that here in brazil we didn’t have sugar in cubes. he jumped inside a castle’s lake just because i doubted it - and came to embrace me all wet. he made a very good tea, and he was 21.

i know nothing will describe the way he used to be, and what made me feel so enchanted and attached over his personality; my words are too limited and won’t show even a little part of how special this whole episode was. only i know this. and i held onto the hope he did too.

we spent some time writing letters. he even sent me, overseas, the most beautiful flowers i have ever seen — and it was the first time i got flowers from someone not of my family. we made our efforts to keep being a part of each other’s lives. but letters are too slow — and some even got lost. we finally got lost from one another too…

but i never forgot him. i never lost the memories — yes, i remember everything.

i spent a lot of time looking for him on the internet since the first time i connected. for me that was the only way i could find him again — besides going again to versailles, which turn out to be not that effective. i searched for his name a lot of times, in a lot of ways: search engines, mail listings, irc… all to no avail.

but i never quit.

this monday i tried again. and, for the first time, i found something…: a match on google that seemed to be really him. i wrote an e-mail to the address i found, and waited anxiously for an answer.

i got this answer today. three emails and one icq message.

i couldn’t believe it. my lost dear friend, one of the most interesting persons i have ever met in my life, the one i thought i would never hear about again… and he’s almost here, talking to me in real time, looking at me through my webcam. he even called me. we talked for an hour — such a sweet, paused voice! and we remembered the time of our meeting — i missed him so much!, and he’s back into my life. it’s impressive, and it’s healing too.

“i am impressed, you changed so much”. i know. but some things never change.

my heart is calm. it feels once again. thank you, mon chère… thank you once more.

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i hate the corporativism that runs the “wild capitalism” we’re living in eating our dreams and spitting out frustrations and losses

but i don’t have money enough to satisfy, in a minor way, the needs for those things to achieve my personal inner satisfaction.

is that any good of a life?

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